Keeley

Keeley has no sense of humor whatsoever. She was born and raised in New York and would never exit south Brooklyn if she had things her way. She is also the first and only vegan to ever be born, raised, and currently reside in south Brooklyn. Keeley is an elitist narcissist who graduated with two master's degrees from NYU. She probably would have pursued a PhD if there wasn't the chance of her ego exploding. Keeley is a psychotherapist in real life. She likes everyone to be aware of this so that she doesn't get mistaken for a non-New Yorker "performer" (unemployed hipster). She can analyze your dreams, ask you how you feel about "that" (whatever the eff "that" is), help you "explore" why you hate your parents, and charge you a lot of money. She has to, because she is an elitist jerk who is still paying off her multitude of graduate degrees from NYU. Keeley graduated from NYU. Did you know that? Once upon a time, Keeley was a model and Irish Step dancer. She didn't really like either of those things, but her butt looked fantastic. In her spare time, when she isn't deluding herself that she's funny, Keeley enjoys strolling through the park with her cats, taking long walks on the beach, rolling her eyes at everyone who shops at American Apparel stores, and eating vegan dinners under romantic candle light only. She's also a decent swimmer.